


The Hatchet Fic

by HeyILikeFOB



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco, Peterick - Fandom, Ryden - Fandom
Genre: Cannibalism, Death, LITERALLY, M/M, OK OK OK TAGS IMPORTANT, Organs, Please dont read this if you are squeamish, dick in mouth, explicit - Freeform, gross stuff, lots of blood, major trigger warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 14:39:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7718692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyILikeFOB/pseuds/HeyILikeFOB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THE TAGS<br/>SERIOUSLY ITS NASTY</p><p>Pete and Patrick have fun with their friends on the fun no vegan day! Shenanigans ensue. </p><p>WARNING: this is meant for humor ONLY. I do not condone any of these things. Warning for gore/sexual things. Do not read if you are easily offended/triggered</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hatchet Fic

**Author's Note:**

> Im so sorry 
> 
> so so so so sorry
> 
> Literally if this makes one person uncomfortable I will delete it

Pete and Patrick are both vegans who once a year go on a meat eating binge to make up for the lost time.  
But this year, it’s extra special.  
Pete has a trick up his sleeve. His biggest meat dream is eating a human. He wants to eat Patrick.  
But not a little, no. He wants hair, eyes, teeth, fingernails, clothes, everything. He wants it dripped in wing dip and served with blood gravy.  
Patrick has a similar desire.  
He wants to burn Pete alive and fry him. Extra crispy. Then he wants to cut him up and put him in sandwiches.  
He invites Joe and Andy over for lunch. Saying Pete had a headache and was sleeping.  
Patrick Stump, innocent being, serves freshly fried boyfriend in sandwiches. He snickers as his band mates eat their friend.  
But wait! Pete comes down the stairs. He’s fully clothed. Hair combed. Nice clothes.  
Patrick looks down at his legs, pouring blood.  
“I-I ate my legs! YOU ALL ATE MY LEGS!”  
“Oh no, where will I find your SMALL DICK”  
“In your SANDWICH!”  
Pete pulls an entire dick out of his mouth. It’s Patrick’s.  
“Oh wow, I found it. For once.”  
At this point Andy and Joe have both left the home.  
“Not so fast!” Pete said shooting his cum webs from the palm of his hand.  
“We’re all in this together!” Patrick chants.  
“Join the blood ritual!!!”  
The lights are dim, Pete and Patrick stand in the middle of the kitchen. Joe’s eyes are black from the terror he’s seen. Andy’s a stone cold bitch, so he isn’t affected.  
“The ritual consists of this. We eat your toes. Me and Pete just eat your toes right off your foot. Then you bleed out and Brendon Urie comes to mop up the puddle.”  
“Ok sounds great?”  
The Ooh Eee Oooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang ritual starts. It’s a sacred one.  
The dick eating ritual begins as well, for it is the third Wednesday of the month. Pete grabs the hatchet from the bubble bath.  
“Patrick stay here, this is urgent. Booty calls.”  
“Yes dobby.”  
“Don’t speak unless I say so.” He smirks.  
Patrick nods grabs the hatchet.  
“I’m sick of you trying to control me!”  
Patrick slices Pete’s hair off.  
“MY FRINGE! IM TOP EMO YOU CAN’T CUT MY FRINGE!”  
Patrick swings the hatchet into his own face and drops to the ground. Pete shrugs and heads into the kitchen.  
“Pete look! I dyed my hair with mustard! Don’t kill me!” Andy squealed.   
“I don’t wanna! I want my hair back! WAaaaaH!”  
“But Patrick is dead, do you want him back?”  
“NOOOOO WAAAAaAHA”  
Joe reaches over and hands Pete the sprinkles. He pours them into his eye sockets to stop the crying. The rainbow hits his brain, it’s too late.  
“LETS MAKE A BLOOD RAINBOW!! I’LL GET THE PUMP YOU GUYS GET THE SUN!”  
Andy acquires the actual sun into their house. He can hear the neighbors whining.  
“Ugh it just got so hot in here!”  
“Take off all your clothes.”  
Back in the Stwenturlyman home, Pete is spraying blood into the sky with the pump. The sun is beating down.  
“Room for one more troubled soul?” Ryan Ross says as he walks out of the shadows.  
“No go away Ryan you ruined my life.” Pete whimpers.  
“I’m sorry me and Brendon divorced, but it was for the better. Look at all the people you ate? They were good yes?”  
“NOOOOO.”  
Joe is dead btw.  
Andy throws the sun at Ryan. He is sunburnt.  
“OwwWW Andrew that hurt.”  
“Serves you right.”  
Pete goes back to Patrick in the bathtub. He is alive, bathing in his bubbles.  
“Oh Pete, you should take a bath too!”  
“NO I DONT WANNA I WANT MY HAIR!”  
SuDdEnLy, Kurt Cobain rises from the dead. “I lick your head, it grows back. Trust me I have much hair.”  
“OK KURTY BURTY.”  
Kurty Burty licks Pete’s head and his hair grows again.  
“Thnks Krt Cbn! I lv m hr! T smlls s gd!”  
“Np.”  
Kurty Burty descends. All is well.  
Joe is playing a card game, Andy is eating a tree, Patrick is in the bath, and Pete… Pete just ate all of them. They’re in his stomach now. Yipee.  
El fin.


End file.
